When Marc and I first discussed this blog topic, my first thought was coming up with ten things I hate or love about anything would be easy. But, it was harder than I imagined; it was downright mind numbingly hard. Then, I started to think about my in-house law firm paralegal life versus my life now, as a nationally known virtual paralegal, business owner, and author. You see, I kind of dig the gig I built from the ground up, with a little typewriter that could, before going virtual was even a thing, let alone a cool thing to do.

Despite the level of difficulty, when I put my mind to it, I can come up with an annual list of things that really suck about being a solo virtual paralegal. In no particular order of loathing:

I HATE the collection of questions I get from in-house paralegals, the one that goes something like this, “Oh, wow, you’re a virtual paralegal, are you hiring or do you farm out work?”, or better yet, “Can you tell me how to become a virtual paralegal and give me all your work, all your trade secrets, and then I’ll become your biggest competition and friend all of your law firm clients on social media?” I hate these questions as much as I LOVE and enjoy the envy on their faces when I say, ‘sure; I will mentor you and coach you for a year for a small fee’ — because I LOVE being a paralegal and I love being a virtual paralegal more now than EVER before!

As the years move forward, it is getting harder for me to not say, “BEEP, when did I become a farmer?” Whoever started the trend of using the phrase “farm out work” must have been a non-professional because I don’t know any business owner whom “farms out work” other than real farmers. FYI: I HATE the phrase “farm out work” almost as much as I love hiring other paralegals as contractors to help me build my business.

I HATE NOT HAVING a full-time assistant.  Yes, indeed! It sucks having to do your own filing, basic drafting, and answering your own phone in addition to working with not 1 or 2 partners/associate lawyers of a firm, but try answering to 10 to 15 firms all over the country, with two to three partners each, a countless number of associate lawyers, and the twelve to thirteen clients from each law firm that is only in one week out of the month!  My company currently has 65 or so active law firm clients. You get over it!

The long hours I spent in a law firm, chasing one or two attorneys’ billable time sheets to put into Timeslips and chasing the paralegal billable time to make sure my employer made that magic number of billable time each month has been replaced with doing everything while working with the coolest attorneys on the planet, whom gives me actual paralegal work to do.

One day, I’ll hire a “real” employee to do the secretarial stuff that keeps my business open, but for now, I’ll settle for using a virtual assistant when needed, delegating non-paralegal tasks to my husband, Marc and enlisting Haley’s help to find the right contract paralegals.  I may hate not having a full-time assistant and I may joke I hate people, but the truth of the matter paints a different story. I dislike the actions of people.  In fact, it is people that have built my business and keep the virtual doors upon on a full-time basis. I LOVE surrounding myself with positive, honest, and hard-working people.

I HATE having to screen prospective attorney-clients.  Some attorneys expect they have the right to treat me the same as they would an employee, without paying my income taxes, electric bills, not to mentation CLEs.  Saying no to a good potential attorney-client is never fun, but the reality of it makes it all worth it.  I have a “NO ASSHOLES” policy that lets me reject a prospective attorney-clients or an existing attorney-client if I think they are just a bossy jerk, that really wants an employee but can’t afford the overhead. And I do.

In 2018, I have enlisted the help of a local business attorney, Haley, to help me enforce my “NO ASSHOLE” policy.  As a business owner it is important to have “people”. I love having people I can trust to help me build my business.  In addition, I believe if I am going to have a “NO ASSHOLE” policy, I should be willing to ensure I enforce it the right way without becoming an asshole.

Plus, for every good prospective attorney-client I pitch to and accept, there is a bad one I screen out; then there comes two or three more that understand our relationship and are heaven to work with.

I HATE saying “no to a lot of social and family gatherings.  This equation is simple: No Time + No Money = No Social or Family Life. Alright, that is being a little dramatic.  But, the truth is I am still building my business, and my income is nothing near what it once was during my in-house years.  Thank God, my husband loves noodles! Of course, I am less stressed out no longer on anti-depressants, and I do get more quality time with my husband and my dog.

Nonetheless, I wish my friends, parents, and siblings understood the business I am building is very competitive, fluent, and when the work comes in, I need to focus on doing it, because there is no guarantee tomorrow I will have the work I have today.

My career or my ability to do my job is not defined by the clothes I wear to the office everyday, please get over it. I am not ashamed to admit I LOVE wearing lounging pajamas to work almost daily excluding client video calls, of course.

I HATE NOT HAVING a regular salary. It was nice to get a big fat paycheck every two weeks, like clockwork, when I worked in-house.  Since it has taken ten years or more for law firms to really take notice of what a virtual paralegal company can do for their practices, I am still an infant company in the middle of growing pains.  My cash flow is not yet flowing to the point I can take a draw every month, it’s getting there, slowly.

1The license to have the “privilege” to be the best I can be. Renewed every year at tax time BVPLLC.

I do find it humorous that all the virtual paralegal want-to-be(s) and some attorneys out there in social media land, who think virtual paralegals will magically make more money being a virtual paralegal, have no overhead, and have more time to be with their family. But, I have come to understand why they think this way; it is not really their fault. It’s because all the schools, colleges, and career coaches out there in social media land feed into the newbies’ illusions, just to get the poor souls to sign on the dotted line and hand over their hard-earned money.

The truth is I have less time with my family, less money, and more bills since opening my business. I have just as much overhead as a law practice, except for the malpractice insurance, and that’s only because my insurance underwriters won’t sell it to me. Arguably, my overhead is self-created, but I would rather run my business like a real business versus playing at being a paralegal.

Therefore, I have a newsflash for the attorneys and paralegals out in social media land, who think being a virtual paralegal that I have no overhead expenses. Some of my overhead expenses include, but are not limited to:

I do still believe, despite the overhead, this is all a trade off, which works for my A-type personality; I LOVE TO WORK.   I thrive at challenges, and I love taking risks and since I have cerebral palsy and skydiving is out of the question; owning my own business was the next best risk this gal on wheels could do, it’s a win-win for this gimpy paralegal gal.

I HATE the isolation. It can be awfully lonely and quiet in my office. I miss having other paralegals, attorneys, and support staff down the hall to bounce ideas off of, grab lunch at our favorite Mexican place, or just to have conversations with about the weather.

When virtual paralegal want-to-be(s) scoff at me when I tell them they should team up with an established paralegal and pay the paralegal business owner a small monthly fee for his or her coaching and mentoring for a year — I have to admit, I get offended.  Because, who are these people, they want not only my knowledge, skill, help, and my job, but they DON’T want to put in the money or the time in to reap the rewards I have spent 25 years paying dues to do? I don’t get it.  Maybe, it’s because I am old school and know I am not entitled to things I don’t earn myself.  Whatever the answer, the reality is I am a people person with a strong, happy personality and the isolation of my day sometimes really can suck the life from me.

On the other side having a strong friendship with other virtual paralegal experts keeps me loving what I do. We keep each other off the ledge and share the tears, the successes, and the things that make my eyeball twitch, because I am too nice, to say what I am really thinking.

I HATE sharing my office with my home. My bedroom is literally right next door. It’s not hard to get to work; nonetheless it’s hard to leave work at the office.

Don’t even get me started on the dog. To the dog I am the intruder – she has a really bad habit of barking, while I am on the phone. The commute is awesome, and my attorney-clients like it too because I have a (nasty) habit of answering the phone outside office hours.  I love the ability I have to work from anywhere any time of the day!

I HATE having to use my marketing degree to manage a website and link it to social media. As a virtual paralegal, I am not a web designer, and I don’t play one on TV. Since I first published this list, I managed my own website, as of January 1, I have increased my overhead once again, and outsourced my website to a guru.  I am still the only person on the planet who can write and publish articles that interest my ideal clients.  The only problem is my ideal clients don’t use or visit social media sites like most industries.

I still get very creative with my marketing plan, and there is no marketing guru, with a pricing budget the size of shoe strings that even knows what a virtual paralegal is; let alone what it is I do. Now, don’t get me wrong I love marketing! I hate the self-promoting aspect of building my business, self-promoting goes against my Christian beliefs. To boast and promote me just feels wrong. On the flip side to this, my company is an openly Christian company the only day I don’t work is Sunday and a few major holidays. I have also incorporated my Christian values into my business plan, and I do a lot of probono work.

For all the virtual paralegal want-to-be(s) and attorneys, again I must chuckle: what are you thinking? If you are still thinking a virtual paralegal does not have overhead expenses, we are just sitting at home waiting for work to come in and our rates are unjust based on lack of overhead we have to pay out, you haven’t been listening to my rant!

I HATE the attitude and the opinion that some vendors and paralegal associations have that implies that because I am a virtual paralegal and work from home that must mean I am not a “real paralegal” or “real business” because I don’t have a traditional brick and mortar office or a law firm that employs me and pays my taxes.

Although I shouldn’t, I spend a lot of time justifying the way I operate and run my paralegal service company to these folks. Then when they find out how many clients I have, where in the USA I work or have a satellite office, or that my collection rate and retention rate is 99%., Since my system is automated, they seem to want me to buy their services or products, join their private little clubs and /or hire their unemployed untrained sisters to become me. Again, on the flip side, these same skeptics of my business are one of the first people to refer attorneys to my office and stalk me on social media.

I have one question for social media groupies: Are you still trying to figure out how I do all the things I do in a 24-hour period and have a movement disorder like cerebral palsy?  No worries folk all hilarious gimpy paralegals need fans. I really don’t mind. Keep watching, I might start doing tricks.

I STILL HATE the fact my Mother was right about everything when I first started my national business. However, I must say the sign she gave me to rub it in is PRICELESS!  I love it!

T here you go. Being a virtual paralegal is not a work at home, get rich, quick fix to you hating your boss.  You have to love hard work just as much as you love being a paralegal, and to be the Best Virtual Paralegal, you must be prepared not to make a truckload of money, make the time to build a village, and you must love all the annoying things that come along for the journey!

I even love the ten things I hate, but that is only because I love what I do and the company I have built.  All the little annoying things make each day a new day of challenges and risks that I, the self-proclaimed, gimpy paralegal on wheels, is up to doing and doing them like the rock star powerhouse paralegal that I know I am!

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